With the holiday season just around the corner, families and households will soon be gathering to give and receive gifts. Many will also be sending donations to communities in crisis, and organizing charity events and food drives to help others.
The reason for our holiday generosity is obvious to us as adults. We hold a sense of moral responsibility to be kind and get a satisfying feeling of having done a good deed.
For children, it can sometimes be less clear why, when and how they should show kindness to others.
Child psychology researchers have spent decades trying to understand exactly what parents need to do and say with our children to help them truly understand the value and importance of kindness. Based on my research and that of other developmental psychology researchers, here are three things science says parents can do to encourage generosity this holiday season.
Model kindness
Children learn best by seeing and imitating. Observing adults and the consequences of their actions teaches children which behaviours are good or bad, kind or mean.
As a parenting and child psychology researcher, I have worked with colleagues to understand how parents can model kindness and generosity to successfully teach their children these same values. Our research suggests that parents who practice kind and warm interactions with their children tend to have kind and generous kids.
For example, speaking with your child about emotional experiences you each had during the day can help your child learn how to help others feel better when they’re distressed.
Naturally, modelling kindness is also most effective when you hold kindness and generosity as deeply cherished values. In our research, we have found that kids donate more money to a charity when mothers deeply hold these values.
As we head into the holidays, continue to show empathy and kindness to your children, modelling for them that being kind can show someone in crisis that you care.
With the ongoing wars and disasters across the world, kids might get distressed when hearing about other children in crisis. In these cases, help your kids feel better by talking about their feelings and comforting them, and offer suggestions on what you can do as a family to help those in need. Also consider taking your kids with you to volunteer at a local shelter or organizing a food drive with the whole family to model charity and generosity.
Avoid rewarding generosity
It’s natural to want to reward children when they are generous to others. You probably feel proud of your kids when they share or donate, and you might want to show them that you are happy with how they behave.
However, developmental psychologists have shown that some rewards can thwart children’s future desire to be kind. Kids simply don’t offer to help others as much when they are given material rewards — like gifts, treats or money — compared to being praised or receiving no feedback at all.
Instead of rewarding your child for donating part of their allowance, consider rewarding them with your words by praising them. Even a smile can go a long way — and they might even produce a bigger donation next year.
